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The first thing I read this morning was Google's amazing offer of their beta version of their new TISP system.

Off I dashed to try out the system (I'm one of Google's BETA testers for the system)

Of course it really has problems with country locations such as mine.

As it seemed impossible to receive wireless broadband without the neccessary connecting equipment (see the Google.ie page for full details), I had to think a while.

Their new system works on a mains drainage connection and as we only have a fertilisation tank, I had to work out a viable alternative.

As you know I'm very green and already have the solar-powered electic drill and the electric windmill and spaniel-powered treadmill.

So when I went down to the beach at 7 o'clock I managed to catch two quite large rats and have fitted these with harnesses and inserted them into the fertilisation tank with cables attached and they have now run around the drain system of our house and I've managed to connect all of the outlets from the wc's to a central processing point in my study next to the stuffed aardvark.

Following their instructions carefully,I've only managed to get a 64k connection and this is intermittent as the lady upstairs insists on flushing the toilet every two hours.

Futhermore I'm getting constant feedback from the rats who have now eaten all the Bousin cheese in my fridge. I have tried pouring hefentrotter weissbeer into the toilet but this has not improved my broadband connection.

Do you think in the circumstances I should seek an exorcism as I (without adequate technical knowledge) think that at some point the foul devils that infest my modem may well have clogged up my bathplug.

In desperation I poured tile cement down the main toilet but this did not improve reception.
I had a similar experience with the solar powered candle that I bought from you last year at this time.

As to the vibrator that I purchased two years ago, I really think you should have mentioned in the instructions the need for strawberry jam and poitin ( a local version of moonshine)
After judicious libations of poitin I finally got the girlfriend down from the Church Steeple.
She had considerable problems kick-starting the vibrator and I think you really should have mentioned in the manual that it runs on Diesel rather than petrol.I also think you should have fitted an on/off switch. It took 2 hours for the fuel to run out.

I look forward to your next module with pleasure and expectation.
Please see below for return address
Keith

1st April 2007

Link posted by Keith @ 8:12 AM